1:1 mentorship for scapegoat daughters

of maternal narcissistic abuse

Are you ready for life to not feel like one long, exhausting battle?

during our time together, we’ll master these 3 components:

  • one.

    Learn to individuate by discovering who you really are and what you actually want from your life.

  • two.

    Confidently build strong boundaries, discover and strengthen your inner mother and understand how to manage feelings of destabilization and dysregulation.

  • three.

    Overcome the stress and panic of repeating or recreating generational pain and dysfunction within your own family and relationships.

I need this.

If you’ve experienced maternal narcissistic abuse you’ve probably lived a lifetime of:

. . . questioning everything you do and wondering whether you’ll ever be good enough. 

. . . spending so much time taking care of your mom or trying to change your behavior in order to make/keep her happy which has left you wondering who you really are and what you want from your own life (maybe you’re thinking; is it even acceptable to do so?)

. . . witnessing her behavior at each monumental event of yours (or others) wondering if you’re the only one who's going through this and will it ever get better? Will you ever have a mom that’s simply just . . . happy for you?

. . . and normalizing and accepting behaviors and treatments because you were conditioned to believe that that was what ‘love’ was and that’s what ‘daughters’ do. 

Sometimes it might feel like you haven’t done enough to feel better or perhaps you don’t feel as though you deserve anything remotely positive happening for you or you often wonder if the negative things that have happened are actually (and to your mom’s ‘point’) all your fault.  

Your relationship with her has left you feeling deeply insecure with dangerously low self-esteem, constantly striving to fill those gaps through perfectionism and people pleasing, – which you now find exhausting. Not knowing how to self-soothe or ‘re-mother’ yourself and becoming easily overwhelmed with massive doubt and confusion, time and time again. 

You feel the rage, the hurt and the exhaustion from trying to sustain your mother’s emotional stability all of these years, rabbit hole thoughts of ‘how can a mother do this?… and when you’ve tried hard to keep clear boundaries you tend to find other family members/connections blur them with their projections and ‘flying monkey’ assignments. Leaving you weighed down mentally and often paralyzed with deep heartache and suffering from feeling so misunderstood and alone. 

By not feeling loved in the simplest of ways it feels like you haven’t been able to learn how to care for yourself, your space and perhaps as a mom now it feels even more overwhelming, mind boggling and eye opening than before. 

Maybe ….

you’ve begun to experience overwhelming feelings of shock and a sense of being ripped off as you believe that your entire youth was robbed from you. Struggling to find self-forgiveness and comprehension of accepting so much mistreatment during a time when you actually had no capacity to act in your power in order to course correct sooner. 

you don’t miss your own mother anymore but you feel as though ‘a’ mother is missing in your life and that’s been extremely hard to grasp and navigate. Especially when you feel a mother should provide guidance, a compass and ultimately a safe space to land for their daughter. After all, you have seen your friends and even strangers experience this support, why not you? 

you’ve started to move on from the idea of ‘fixing’ her and your relationship to figuring out how to prioritize your own healing and it’s a much bigger and more complex challenge than you anticipated. 

you’re beginning to wonder who you are when you’re not using all your energy focusing on her stability or seeking her approval of your goodness and value? Questioning whether you will ever feel okay without your anger, suffering and ‘case files’ that will help prove and solidify that your pain is real? 

you’re realizing that just because you can put up with it, doesn’t mean you should. You know you feel better when you’re not physically around her or spending time with her but when it comes to setting those boundaries it makes you feel extremely confused and unsure on how to manage it all, – particularly when you’ve spent so much time wanting, pleading and begging her to be the best version of herself while also enduring the emotional and mental abuse, at the same time. 


you’re ready to explore no contact even deeper and have been for some time yet the grief of not seeing your mom (and/or family) for several years and being with the heavy reality of your situation and the inability for it to ever be what you want it to be, still brings debilitating moments of devastation, loneliness and confusion.

you’re someone who has a deep yearning to stop the generational cycles of pain, perhaps you can’t fathom treating your own children the way your mother treated you and are left wondering how to begin and how to raise your children while simultaneously raising yourself . . 

Or since becoming a mother, you are more aware of how her deeply critical, negative and unhealthy behaviors have been affecting you as a person, a partner and a parent and now you want to officially break the cycle to be an example of what a healthy and balanced mother can be. Desiring to offer your children (or potential future children) consistent access to a life of true connection, safety, acceptance and nourishment. As well as showing them that life is allowed to be difficult but that healing, growth, repair and deep satisfaction is always possible and a priority.

‘Thank you so much. I feel like I’m dreaming. I’m so thankful for your program,
I have so much clarity for life now and I LOVE being present.’ 

Are you ready for life to not feel like one long, exhausting battle?

To establish real control over your internal world, to find the courage to reshape your external world to how you want it to be, to feel more space, liberation and acceptance in who you are  and the hands that the universe has dealt you?

To become more self-assured in how you want to approach your happiness, to pursue healthier and more personally satisfying career choices, to feel anchored in your own thoughts, questions and beliefs without constantly questioning or doubting yourself?

To set better and more effective boundaries so you can finally understand what is actually yours to be responsible for, to stop searching for validation and love in unhealthy places and to finally overcome that deep, deep guilt of needing to do what it takes to protect the life you’re building?

To move forward without believing it’s all your fault, to operate without those immeasurable feelings and thoughts of resentment, rage and disgust that are keeping you stuck from being the person, mother, partner or friend you wish you could be?

You know the pain (present and buried) has now seeped into every aspect of your life from ... your physical and mental health, your integrity, your self-respect and throughout all the interactions you have with others and you just want to feel lighter, clearer, happier and truly capable of living a fulfilling life with meaningful relationships that don’t constantly threaten your health, violate your boundaries or constantly push your capacities and limits.

let’s hear from previous clients:

“Never in a million years did I think I could create a life like this…it’s actually enjoyable”

“I feel confident, supported, and less guilty about putting distance between myself and my NM.”

“You really have changed my life, it’s crazy how much growth has happened in my life and my confidence”

“Helping me find that inner strength to find my voice and stand up finally for my own self has shown me what it’s really like to manifest healing and being happy with myself without the approval of others.”

“I am excited for myself, it feels natural for me to express myself now. So I am embracing it. Such a weird moment because I never thought I would get to this point.”

“My husband is SO appreciative of you. What a difference, positive, in our relationship because of our time together and being able to work through things with you.”

“After each and every meeting I have a new perspective on the most mentally and emotionally challenging situation of my life. I am now always able to come back to a place of calm and comfort.”

It’s time to stop sacrificing your own growth.

I know from my own experience how easy it can be to avoid talking about this part of yourself and your life because the shame just runs so deep and facing and untangling what you’ve had to keep stored all these years, just to survive, is deeply, deeply uncomfortable. 

You’re left questioning how do I heal from what feels like a lifetime of mistreatment and abuse? How will I build a life and cultivate meaningful relationships when I feel so broken, unloved and incomplete? 

With the need to understand the ins and outs of each detail alongside the incessant inner critic, the thought of rewiring your brain and perspective to undo the survival instincts and coping mechanisms that you’ve honed for decades, feels so unbelievably overwhelming and borderline impossible. 

Perhaps you’ve already tried therapy but haven’t seen the results you desire or you felt the solutions offered didn't take into account the severity of your situation and the sessions were over before you’d even scratched the surface. 

I also know some people have probably told you your mom did ‘the best she could’ and that you need to forgive and forget to move forward because ‘you only get one mom!’ 

So the shame seeks in and it can feel like you’re stuck between wanting to appear strong and reasonable but the rage from yet again, being rushed along in your process without feeling truly seen and heard, never fully subsides. 

It’s anxiety-inducing and genuinely upsetting when others question your estrangement and you want to be fully heard by someone who has seen what you’ve seen and felt what you have felt and who unequivocally understands an experience that you can only fully grasp, if you’re inside of it. 

Someone to tell you that chaos doesn’t have to be your comfort zone anymore. 

That you don’t need to stay worried, stressed and overwhelmed in order to feel ‘normal.’

Someone to tell you that you were NEVER crazy, to relentlessly validate and understand you and allow you the space to have your own experience, memories and thoughts rather than having ANOTHER person project their own discomfort onto you because of their own relationship to their own experiences that have nothing to do with you healing your pain. 

And lastly, someone that knows exactly how to take all of that books, articles and instagram posts you’ve absorbed and turn it into intentional and meaningful action that will keep you at peace, blissfully in your own lane and focused on YOU.

Now, here’s what to expect from the best break up you’ll ever have:

  1. LIBERATION: from darkness and confusion, shame, fear, self-judgment, you begin to own your experience and cultivate acceptance which allows you to let go of having to constantly prove yourself to others or control and dress rehearse your future all of the time. 

  2. AUTHENTIC CONNECTION: you develop genuine connections by accepting others as they are instead of trying to control or mold them into what you need them to be. You’re much less critical of others and now avoid relationships where either the other person demands being the sole focus or you are required to be the caretaker of the relationship. As well as unapologetically owning your own sensitivities and standards that help to keep you grounded and stabilized. 

  3. BETTER BOUNDARIES: You set non-negotiable boundaries to ensure personal safety, intimacy and well-being in your relationships and with yourself. You stop seeking validation or external approval from others and no longer fear disappointing others when putting yourself first.

  4. SELF-IDENTITY & SOVEREIGNTY OVER YOU: You begin to discover who you really are and what you desire from life, making decisions that feel empowering to you, from what you spend your money on to cultivating routines that not only feel good for you but that will continue to support and bring out the healthier versions of you.

  5. EMPOWERMENT, STABILITY and DIRECTION: You no longer try to urgently and consistently escape the discomfort of your emotional experience, you don’t solely focus on everything you don’t want to become and instead are laser focused on continuing to be someone you actually like and enjoy. (<<< truly the power to everything!) You’re no longer so self-critical and are patient, flexible, available however also very discerning with others when it comes to feedback; professionally and personally. 

the 9 week 1:1 mentorship for
scapegoat daughters of
maternal narcissistic abuse

introducing …

Here’s what is included inside this journey of recovery from
maternal narcissistic abuse:

  • WEEK 1 — INTRO & SELF ASSESSMENT: We begin with establishing and solidifying your inner world so you can sustainably transform your outer world. We will holistically evaluate your life, exploring areas including but not limited to your livelihood, body and wellness, creativity, learning, relationships and society and spirituality. 

  • WEEK 2 — IDENTITY: The focus will shift towards identity exploration and intimate self discovery, helping you unravel aspects of yourself that may have been tucked away in order to survive. We will explore your beliefs, emotions and unexplored facets of your personal identity. The aim is to bring to light your hidden beliefs, fears, joys and vulnerabilities that shape your sense of self. By confronting these elements we will liberate hidden shame or judgment, fostering a space for self-acceptance and self-trust. 

  • WEEK 3 — BOUNDARIES AND CODEPENDENCY: Here we’ll begin to unravel your relationship with boundaries. We look at your current relationships, who challenges and who respects your boundaries and how to cultivate healthy boundaries moving forward. We will dive into the complex dynamics of seeking approval and comfort from others, and uncovering the consequences of allowing harmful situations to persist and learning to honor your inner child’s needs. We will address trade-offs between authenticity and strategy, exploring fears and responsibilities intertwined with these dynamics. 

  • WEEK 4 — SELF SABOTAGE + FEAR OF FAILURE/SUCCESS: Our focus here revolves around unraveling self-sabotage and confronting fears associated with failure, success, and joy. We will explore personal definitions of success, the influence of your maternal figure in decision making and our relationship with failure and perfectionism. We will consider past successes, persisting failures, dormant dreams and reflect on support required to pursue your personal aspirations. 

  • WEEK 5 — RELATIONSHIPS, TRUST + FEAR OF ABANDONMENT: Next we will dive into familial and personal relationships, understanding the emotional communication patterns within your family and how these may have influenced patterns of trust and vulnerability. We will look at how conflict was managed or avoided in the family system and how it shares your current response to conflict. You’ll identify your non-negotiables in building and sustaining relationships as well as unearthing desires, fears and hopes related to feeling supported and held. We will look at the impact of family dynamics on your perception of love, trust and vulnerability and discover how past experiences affect your current relationships and communication.

  • WEEK 6 — FALSE HOPE + SELF DOUBT: We will uncover the fears and address beliefs about yourself that might be holding you back from moving forward in your life. We will look at the motivation behind situations that sustain suffering and any potential perceived threats if we move beyond them. We will also look at the reasons for holding on to situations that might never change and the repercussions of it on ourselves and others. Self-doubt will be explored and how to use methods to reconnect with your inner knowing after having dismissed it for so long.

  • WEEK 7 — SELF-FORGIVENESS: We will look at where you may be withholding love from yourself and if there are situations you are holding onto that might actually be hurting you. We will consider the lessons learned from emotional and physical encounters and consider  extending major grace and self-compassion along with the role of forgiving ourselves and (potentially) others in our healing process. 

  • WEEK 8 — GRATITUDE: Learning to nurture gratitude, getting to know ourselves and appreciating the seemingly smaller things in life, we will consider who we are grateful for and who supports us. We will look at daily routines and how they can support us in our wellbeing, why we may delay our own gratification and how to prioritize our own sense of joy, without guilt, on a regular basis, moving forward. 

  • WEEK 9 — PROGRESS CHECK IN: one month after the mentorship concludes we’ll have a final session to check in with your progress, to give you a space for you to ask any and all questions and of course, to make sure we celebrate all the damn work you’ve put in. 

In a life where we have been blamed for everything and spent years taking on responsibility that was never ours, it can leave us feeling overwhelmed, embarrassed and under motivated to form healthy habits and build out new and different lives. 

It’s time to learn how to be attracted to what’s healthy for us, to become more of who we are actually meant to be and to learn how and what to add to our life instead of only focusing on what we need to take out of it.

Together we’ll bring out all of the goodness that has been overlooked and dismissed in you for so long so you can finally start feeling sure of yourself and confident in your thoughts, opinions, beliefs and future decision making.

Who is this program for?

The overachieving perfectionist who only sees herself as a problem to solve.

The woman who is tired of feeling confused and weighed down and is craving long term clarity and sustainable inner peace.

The scapegoat daughter who is fed up with being trapped by the inner filter of ‘what would my mom think?’ when it comes to her decision making.

The scapegoat daughter who is sick of being on everyone else’s emotional timeline when it comes to forgiveness and ‘getting over the past’.

The scapegoat daughter who is done with people-pleasing and who wants to gain the courage and security to consistently set boundaries and feel good about honoring them even when she’s questioned or misunderstood.

The scapegoat daughter who is exhausted from her constant quest for justice because there was never any real acknowledgement or validation when it came to the pain that was/is caused.

The scapegoat daughter who is tired of living life in the lonely shadows and is ready to feel worthy of being seen.

The scapegoat daughter who is ready to step all the way into taking full responsibility for her life and wellness so she can finally start keeping promises to herself and start doing shit she actually enjoys doing.

hi, i'm amanda.

hi, i'm amanda.

I know first hand there's nothing quite like navigating the work of going no contact with your own mother. 
It feels like the fight of your life, challenging deep conditioning of duty, sacrifice, and normalized behavior that's been ingrained for decades. 
Finally learning how to self-soothe through the codependent itches of guilt and shame while working through paralyzing anxieties about 'what the hell will people think,' was one of the biggest hurdles to overcome for me, personally. 
I genuinely collapsed the second the door closed and my mom walked out. At the time, I was confused by my reaction as I was deep into my own hatred towards her BUT not being destroyed by thoughts of 'what I could be doing to her' by choosing my own life, felt like winning the lottery.
I now had a chance to breathe my own air, figure out my own brain, and live my OWN life.

(continued)

A year-ish into my no-contact journey, I started to see how much of my focus on her equated to how much I had neglected myself. I was experiencing massive fatigue, a serious lack of drive and chronic sleep issues. Part of me believed, if I just ‘thought better thoughts’ maybe I could find those easy days that you see all over social media. (don’t get me started on this bullshit.)

Until I realized how severe it was.. 'This is beyond your typical burnout,’ my functional Doctor began explaining test results to me.

Parts validating, parts relieving, parts sobering, parts clarifying, and to my surprise, bigger parts devastation and rage. This was not how I had planned for my new life to unfold.

Despite being exhausted physically, emotionally I was actually starting to really feel free, clear, secure and finally truly stable. I was building an online community and coaching women who were experiencing results that I could barely fathom. 
There was no time to slow down. More specifically, I didn’t want to. As i’m sure similar to you, I was just so fucking tired of waiting to pursue my own life.
What I didn’t realize was there was only so much intellectualizing I could do before I had to actually feel what I spent years either avoiding or not connecting with. (so much harder than it sounds!) 

Learning how to get out of my head and into my body. 
The body that has held me up through decades of mistreatment.
The body I learned to push, dismiss and ignore. 
The body I was conditioned to call a liar and to feel incredibly ashamed of. 
The body that helped me to take on constant chaos, stress, urgency and occasional violence.
The body that held me through never knowing what the next day will bring.
The body that held the secrets I swallowed and truths I kept hidden out of demanded loyalty.
The body that held me through all of the deep confusion and devastation I walked with everyday that I somehow turned into fake certainty and rage for protection. 
The body that was with me inside the achievements I chased, the grades I was desperate for and the attention I sold my soul for. 

Forcefully faced with the reality of my own healing fantasies. Who I thought I was going to be, what I thought I was going to want, who I thought would be in my corner. 
The energy i thought I was going to have, the ambition i thought I was going to embody, 

Each aspect of this terrified me. 

Who was I without the striving? 
Who was I without my super woman cape? 
Where would I find my value? 
Where would I locate the permission to rest without the tasks that used to ‘earn’ that for me? 

The over achiever in me ached. 

I was not prepared for what I learned and what I’m still coming to terms with. 
That I can not move through life with action alone. 

That how I hold myself through a challenging season. How I treat myself on a minute by minute basis. What I think I deserve and what I believe I have to do in order to receive all the love, warmth, generosity and vitality I desire, are the most important decisions I can and will continue to make. 

Now I'm transitioning to what feels more congruent to me as a woman and as a company. Trusting my own vision, owning my true desires, and learning to actively participate in the surrender, flow, and acceptance required to balance out my previous ‘you have to earn everything through struggle and stress’ mentality. 

Allowing space for fear, for patience, for curiosity, for grief. All the damn grief. 

To be open to what growth will continue to gift me, even if it hasn’t been and won’t be all of what I expect or predict. 

And after working with dozens and dozens of women on this very same journey, I’m beyond excited to guide you on your own path of deep empowerment after decades of prolonged cruel and unfair treatment, control and demand of everything you had to give.  

more testimonials

“[.. ]I have recommended [Amanda] to all my friends who are on this path with me. It can be hard to find people who understand this experience-- it can be so so isolating!-- and having my regular calls with Amanda allowed me to share and process my experience with someone who gets it. She has been invaluable to my healing and offered not just a lived-experience-perspective but a whole community of women like myself.”

“[...]The insight, and careful consideration of my feelings, were more than I ever received in all the years of cognitive therapy I've had […]The truth is that I was so sick and tired of hearing myself complain. I didn't feel I was getting the guidance I needed.”

“Amanda has not only validated my feelings, helped me discover my own faulty thought processes because of my childhood upbringing, but MOST IMPORTANTLY, helped guide me through upcoming situations where people would OBVIOUSLY try to overstep my boundaries. I feel so much more prepared for difficult situations and I walk into them with much more control and intention. She has helped me prioritize myself AND still be the generous person that I WANT to be.”


“[...]When I started working with Amanda, I had the same old patterns and issues, replaying not only in my family but in my friendships and relationships too. By the time I completed Amanda's program, I felt confident, for the first time in my life, to stand up for myself, to decide how I deserve to be treated, and to face some really hard decisions when it came to the relationships in my life.[..]”

“[Amanda] generously guided me out of those dark emotional pits where I felt beat down, alone, misunderstood, and consumed with guilt and shame.”

faqs

  • This is for you if you are someone who is genuinely ready to take control of your life and start truly healing from maternal narcissistic abuse. You’re open and receptive to feedback and different perspectives. This program is a collaborative process that works best when you are engaged, curious and flexible in your thinking.

  • We will cover 8 core themes within the program (see section above on what’s included). As soon as you sign up you will be sent your first workbook, a link to schedule your first call and a coaching contract for you to look over and sign.

    Typically a client will spend about a week with the first workbook before their first call is scheduled. We will then meet for 60 min on said day, discuss the workbook and all other important thoughts going on and then schedule our second call. So workbook, call, workbook, call and so forth for 8 total sessions and then we will meet one month after initial 8 sessions have completed for our final session.

    While there is a ton of structure and direction to this program in terms of workbooks and topics covered, I very much take an intuitive approach and adjust accordingly to what I believe any one client needs in that moment or session.

  • Each call is 60 min and we meet for a total of 9 sessions. Each workbook (8) is also worked on independently so depending on how long each workbook takes you, about 2 hours a week —-> 17ish hours total for the entire program.

  • Of course. Please reach out to me via dm on Instagram (@breakupwithyourmother) or email me (hello@breakupwithyourmother.com) and I’ll make sure to connect you with one of my previous girls!

  • Currently and subject to change:

    1 time payment of $1850.00 USD

    OR

    3 monthly payments of $655.00 USD

  • Life coaches identify and describe current problematic behaviors so the client can work to modify them. Therapists analyze their client's past as a tool for understanding present behaviors. In other words, therapists focus on “why” certain behavioral patterns occur, and coaches work on “how” to work toward a goal. (exact language stolen from google)

    I’ve had clients who left therapy to pursue coaching and also have had clients who simultaneously do both and found great comfort in knowing there was finally space to talk about other things in therapy now with such a concentrated effort on mother-stuff elsewhere.

    *NOTE: This service is trauma informed alongside a fully licensed Life & Success Coach therefore it is not traditional talk therapy and does not claim to solve or heal any medical conditions or diagnoses.

  • Please reach out to me via dm on Instagram (@breakupwithyourmother) or email me (hello@breakupwithyourmother.com) and I’ll make sure to reply as soon as I can.