I’m so happy you’re here.
So you’ve discovered Maternal Narcissism — now what?
Until I realized how severe it was.. 'This is beyond your typical burnout,’ my functional Doctor began explaining test results to me.
Parts validating, parts relieving, parts sobering, parts clarifying, and to my surprise, bigger parts devastation and rage. This was not how I had planned for my new life to unfold.
Despite being exhausted physically, emotionally I was actually starting to really feel free, clear, secure and finally truly stable. I was building an online community and coaching women who were experiencing results that I could barely fathom.
There was no time to slow down. More specifically, I didn’t want to. As i’m sure similar to you, I was just so fucking tired of waiting to pursue my own life.
What I didn’t realize was there was only so much intellectualizing I could do before I had to actually feel what I spent years either avoiding or not connecting with. (so much harder than it sounds!)
Learning how to get out of my head and into my body.
The body that has held me up through decades of mistreatment.
The body I learned to push, dismiss and ignore.
The body I was conditioned to call a liar and to feel incredibly ashamed of.
The body that helped me to take on constant chaos, stress, urgency and occasional violence.
The body that held me through never knowing what the next day will bring.
The body that held the secrets I swallowed and truths I kept hidden out of demanded loyalty.
The body that held me through all of the deep confusion and devastation I walked with everyday that I somehow turned into fake certainty and rage for protection.
The body that was with me inside the achievements I chased, the grades I was desperate for and the attention I sold my soul for.
Forcefully faced with the reality of my own healing fantasies. Who I thought I was going to be, what I thought I was going to want, who I thought would be in my corner.
The energy i thought I was going to have, the ambition i thought I was going to embody,
Each aspect of this terrified me.
Who was I without the striving?
Who was I without my super woman cape?
Where would I find my value?
Where would I locate the permission to rest without the tasks that used to ‘earn’ that for me?
The over achiever in me ached.
I was not prepared for what I learned and what I’m still coming to terms with.
That I can not move through life with action alone.
That how I hold myself through a challenging season. How I treat myself on a minute by minute basis. What I think I deserve and what I believe I have to do in order to receive all the love, warmth, generosity and vitality I desire, are the most important decisions I can and will continue to make.
Now I'm transitioning to what feels more congruent to me as a woman and as a company. Trusting my own vision, owning my true desires, and learning to actively participate in the surrender, flow, and acceptance required to balance out my previous ‘you have to earn everything through struggle and stress’ mentality.
Allowing space for fear, for patience, for curiosity, for grief. All the damn grief.
To be open to what growth will continue to gift me, even if it hasn’t been and won’t be all of what I expect or predict.
And after working with dozens and dozens of women on this very same journey, I’m beyond excited to guide you on your own path of deep empowerment after decades of prolonged cruel and unfair treatment, control and demand of everything you had to give.