the inner work

what I do to feel positive everyday

And I’m not talking about bullshit premature positivity.

I’m not talking about I’m secretly drowning in my personal life only to pretend I’m doing great on social media.

I’m talking about real, sustainable, spent years withering in the dark and now I’m out of it, kind of positivity.

The kind that even on my worst day – I still can maintain a grateful attitude.

Truth is – I used to resist the joyful, the seemingly happy and the soft hearted people in life.

I was secretly extremely envious of them and could only tolerate so much before their energy made me uncomfortable.

I felt left out, clueless and completely confused on why I wasn’t chosen for that.

 

Why was my life not easier?

Why weren’t parents cooler?

Why didn’t I have a certain face or certain body?

Why didn’t I have the confidence to say this and be that?

 

So I stayed pessimistic and angry.

It was where I was comfortable (and honestly what I witnessed the most.)

In turn, I attracted a lot of people who were also the same.

The people who talk A LOT of shit and deconstruct every positive event just to find what’s wrong with it.

The people who want to see other people fail to feel better about themselves.

The people who are also just as angry and upset on the inside and who unknowingly are projecting it on the outside.

 

Years later,

And I mean it took me years later,

Where I finally got to a point where I was genuinely happy for someone else.

I was happy for someone else even if I was having a shitty day.

It was a miracle. Unfamiliar for sure but definitely a fucking miracle.  

It was new;

the lack of feeling the need to compare and a dissolved fear that once someone was healthy, happy and getting all they wanted,

that they wouldn’t ‘need’ me anymore, …

 

Wow, … yes – I was really getting somewhere.

 

No longer dependent on negativity for connection or anger for intimidating first impressions.

 

This was a whole new world for me.

It was strange at first.

Being so loving.

Being genuinely excited for other people and having the space to also be excited for myself.

Though, it felt easier than expected.

I was shocked that I could keep it real and honest but also be incredibly supportive.

It didn’t have to be one or the other.

It didn’t have to be competitive or dramatic.

 

What I do to feel positive everyday while healing from narcissistic abuse.

Once I stopped outsourcing my happiness and figured out that in order for me to happy for others, I had to really get to know and be happy with myself …

I was able to finally adopt a whole new way of thinking;

 

The belief that I was chosen for my experiences,

The release of the shame of those experiences,

The awareness that I can create whatever reality I want,

That truth that there is ENOUGH to go around for EVERYONE,

The release of attachment of a specific outcome I believe I should have or deserve,

And the true, deep deep rooted knowing that no matter what happens in my life, I will be okay.

 

It was challenging.

It still takes a ton of mindfulness and self-care to make sure I stay on track.

But it’s healing and also extremely expansive.

 

‘But what about the days where you just want to quit?’

 

My first thought when I’m down that path is to look at the evidence.

To look at all I’ve gone thorough already.

Within that hindsight, I remember I have the tools now to navigate anything.

I also have the knowing and now the faith that the entire universe is working in my favor.

Each and every situation is designed for me.

That alone can offer me peace while my heart may be hurting.

 

There’s always the temptation to feel sorry for myself.

I recognize it and I simply choose differently.

I’ve realized that pain is inevitable but we can choose to continue to suffer.

We can choose whatever mindset we want to operate from.

We can choose to be solution focused rather than stagnant, emotionally lazy and blaming others for why we don’t have what we want.

 

I’m not suggesting it’s easy to get here.

But once I went in and untangled all of the bullshit I was taught that life had to be hard,

That everyone was out to get me and some people just have it better than others,

The belief that at a certain age my life was over if I didn’t accomplish certain things,

The belief that happiness and joy were outside of me.

That having a positive attitude was cheesy and untrustworthy…

Once I dropped the jealously mindset and chose gratitude over everything.

Once I started to see possibilities rather than obstacles.

Once I chose that I was going to learn how to get know and relentlessly accept myself without comparing my journey to others, …

 

It was only then that I was able to access the deeper parts of me.

That I could see that every single thing was meant for me and still is.

I was chosen to be the change.

I was chosen to heal the trauma and save the generations that will come after me.

 

I now know that,

where there was/is a challenge, there was/is a learning opportunity, — even if I couldn’t/can’t see it at that time.

 

Especially on the days where negativity and complaining just sound so good – I remind myself what is true;

That emotions create thoughts and thoughts create behaviors and if I start to feel sorry for myself and allow the bitterness to build – I’m on the first train back to where I came from and it’s just no longer an option for me.

 

I recognize the darkness but I choose the light.

I realize that rejection is protection and what is meant to be yours, will be.

Though, some days it can take everything I have to offer.  

 

And there’s no doubt that with commitment and a willingness to see things differently, that you too — will learn, to be happy for yourself and others, generously, without bullshitting, keeping score or feeling the need to compare.  

 

You too – will learn that once you accept that everything is working for you; 

 

Every accomplishment,

Every heartbreak,

Every betrayal,

every person that has come and went.

every person who is here for the long run, …

 

you’ll be able feel an inner peace that you never that was possible.

you’ll have more space and love to give. 

You will realize that there are certain lessons that our souls are just meant to learn along the way. 

you can then trust that it’s all divine timing even if you’re just now putting the pieces back together. 

 

Remember, we only get one chance at this so we might as well choose love over fear and positivity over pessimism.

Again, this isn’t rainbows and butterflies.

This is a combination of telling the fucking truth, honoring the truth and choosing to make the best of it. 

 

It’s at least gotta be good for anti-aging, right? 

 

XO

 

 

 

**ready to learn more about how you can finally live a life full of inner peace? click here and schedule your free consultation and we’ll figure it out together xox 

 

 

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