the inner work

5 things to remember when managing guilt

How heavy and exhausting is the guilt?

A guilt that was given to you.

A guilt that feels so wrong but that you can’t shake off.

Including; 

Feeling responsible for someone else’s behavior.

Feeling in charge of someone else’s life.

Feeling selfish just because you want some fucking space. 

Taking on projections of others and their opinions because they don’t understand what they’ve never seen. 

UHHH IT CAN BE SO BAD THAT YOU JUST WANT TO GIVE IT ALL UP AND FUCKING QUIT.

If you’re feeling this, I hear you.

I’ve been there.

This was a HUGE pain point for me in my own situation.

I was relentlessly loyal to my mother.

I was also her biggest enabler.

I couldn’t stand her way of doing things but I also couldn’t stay true to my mission long enough to overcome the discomfort. 

It was so painful.

I cried a lot about it. 

I just felt, … so bad. 

I felt bad that I wanted a different life.

I kept taking responsibility for why she wasn’t getting herself financially ready.

I subconsciously believed it was all my fault. 

I told lie after lie just to protect her and her image.

I could barely tell my own truth without feeling like the biggest bitch on the planet.

It wasn’t fair.

Codependency is a real mother fucker and it’s not talked about enough.

Being raised as an extension of someone else.

Constantly putting up with because we believe we have to.

Having to attach to our anger and rage in order to overcome the pain of letting go.

Constantly battling, ‘Are they ok? Am I being mean? Did I do the right thing?’

Our lack of trust in ourselves + our lack of self esteem …

Maybe she doesn’t deserve this ….

 

It’s hard.

It’s excruciating.

It’s uncomfortable.

It takes a lot of honesty, mindfulness, accountability and support.

And if you’re really in it right now and can barely keep two solid thoughts together, — here are 5 things I want you to remember;  

  1. You are not in charge of anyone else’s experience.

Their life is their responsibility.  You absolutely cannot do the work for two people. Even though I know you’ve spent years trying. 

  1. Your behavior is not the deciding factor for someone else’s well being.

You are not responsible for the reactions of those who don’t agree with your decisions. You putting yourself first does not cause someone else to go into deep depression. Again, their life is their responsibility. 

  1. It hurts because you care but it’s also because you have been conditioned to put them before you.

Moving through this is can very much be like withdrawing from a drug. Doing something you’ve never done is going to bring up a lot of pain and resistance. 

Trust that the discomfort will pass, you just have to stay focused — no matter what. 

     4. You may be punishing yourself unintentionally.

You are not a bad person.

You are not selfish for putting your needs first.

You are not a bad person. 

  1. You may be feeling guilty for things others have done.

Be mindful of your boundaries and that you may be taking on guilt that doesn’t belong to you. 

Lastly, … You deserve a life that feels good to you.

A life that you can make decisions without worrying about the response or approval of another.

A life where putting yourself first doesn’t cause an uproar with those around you.

A life where you’re encouraged to do what feels best to you. 

A life that feels free, expansive and entirely self-loving. 

And also remember,

it’s great and essential to accept people for who they are but that doesn’t mean you have to take more punishment because of your ability to do so. 

Accept your circumstances and continue moving through,

honor the discomfort,

feel the mental, emotional, spiritual and physical pain,

spend time with your emotions,

learn from the experience, 

officially break the links, and then

forgive yourself for it. 

Trust that you’re doing the right thing.

XO 

It ain’t easy babe’ — this I know for sure.

Don’t forget to schedule your free abuse recovery call with me HERE — where I can learn more about you and help guide you on your path to officially being guilt free. 

5 things you need to remember when managing the guilt in narcissistic abuse recovery.
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