How I Went from Vogue to Eckhart Tolle

COMPARISON

Ever wonder why someone else has it better than you?

Ever get down on yourself for not having this or that?

Does feeling disadvantaged constantly kill your motivation and desire to build a healthier life?

I hear you.

Comparison is the root of all evil and it’s more common than ever.

We can blame it on social media but we all know that we’ve been comparing ourselves to other people, our entire lives.

As young children and teenagers, we may have seen girls have fun relationships with their mothers,

girls with trusting relationships with their fathers,

girls who seem happy, together and completely desirable.

And girls with all the money, prestige and support.

We may have felt shame or complete embarrassment at our circumstances and without a proper support system,

we then internalized all of that shame and probably isolated ourselves as a result.

Either that or we projected our anger and treated people like shit to avoid ever having to feel how upset we were.

And now with social media,

Dealing with comparison while healing from narcissistic abuse.
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We compare our incomes, our relationships, our behaviors, our cleverness, our creativity and where we are at in life.

We assume everyone else has it better than we do.

We tell ourselves it’s difficult to connect with other women because they don’t have the baggage that we do.

We find reasons upon reasons to justify why it is we can’t have the life we want.

We don’t think we could ever have what we see, so we barely give it a try.

We may step into our pain and start to tell the truth but the second we feel less than perfect or have a bad day,

We go right back on to our phones and here comes the anxiety, ..

Here comes the comparison;

Why don’t I have a family like that?

Why don’t I have friends like that?

Why is it so much easier for them, than it is for me?  

She’s so pretty. I bet I wouldn’t get treated like shit if I looked like that.

I bet I would get taken more seriously if I was as smart as her.

It must be nice to come from money …

And we go into a story, a spiral.

Let’s put an end to that.

And I want to be very clear about this,

No one has it better than anyone else.

I’ve worked at VOGUE and have interacted with celebrities and,

yes they may have easier circumstances but everyone, I mean every single person on this planet, has their own shit.

You have to remember that people will show you what they want you to see.

People will tell you what they want you to know.

And without you exercising your own vulnerability and speaking your own truth, you’re going to keep attracting people who, like you, care more about their image than they do about connecting.

To be honest, I’m exhausted from years of careful image management.

Yes, I can take pretty pictures and filter them out.

Yes, I have straight teeth and pretty hair.

Yes, I live in sunny Los Angeles in a beautiful condo.

Yes, I am articulate and am able to effectively communicate my experiences.  

But here’s the reality;

It took my years to own my creativity and feel good about taking pictures.

I had braces for two years in middle school and have worn my purple metallic retainer (almost) every night, ever since.

I have naturally frizzy and coarse hair that I take really good care of not including I know my way around a curling iron.

I moved to Los Angeles almost ten years ago and only recently have been able to truly enjoy it.

I’ve always been emotional but to articulate it effectively without cutting someone at the knees is something I’ve also had to learn how to do.

AND you know what I didn’t have?

A loving mother.

A loving father.

A trust fund.

Someone to rely on when times got tough.

No one told me I was beautiful.

No one taught me I could be anything and ask for more.

No one taught me how to take care of my skin and my hair.

No one told me Los Angeles was a good idea.

No one taught me how to feel or how to forgive.

This. All of this. I did on my own.

BUT, I had to stop running.

I had to give the MIDDLE FINGER to giving a fuck about what the image looked like and I had to get real about what I actually felt like.

Because I went years with no one having a single clue that I was barely holding on. I barely knew I was holding on because I was so obsessed with keeping up.

I had plans every night.

I had the greatest internships.

I had friends who needed me and guys who found security within me.

I was great at it.

I only showed people what I wanted them to see.

I only told people what I wanted them to know.

I constantly compared my shattered hidden reality to what I thought was everyone else’s perfect one.

But … I wasn’t happy.

I was intellectually starving, stressed out and over-worked.  

I had to admit how much I cared.

I had to admit that I would sometimes get it wrong.

I had to admit my circumstances.

I had to admit that nothing was perfect.

I could no longer float above the bad feelings.

My shit strategy that I could get through life and be healthy without acknowledging my heavy baggage, wasn’t going to work.

It was an illusion I created by my fear that the real me was disgusting and unlovable.

That my real life was shameful and defined me.

Which couldn’t be farther from the truth.

& it’s so much fucking better to live authentically.

My point is,

Let go of being better than everyone else.

Let go of comparison.

Let go of needing to be somewhere at a certain age.

Be where you are. Without shame or judgement.

You are right where you’re supposed to be.

Let go of believing that your life is only going to be this draining emotional rollercoaster with no end in sight.

It may have been for a really long time but it doesn’t have to be that way anymore.

You can take responsibility now.  

You can learn to feel, accept, heal and eventually forgive.

You can learn to give and receive love.

You can learn to be happy for other people.

You can learn to celebrate wins that have nothing to do with you.

No one has it easy.

And we are all stronger together.

We are all stronger in connection.

What you may think I have that you don’t, I promise you that it’s not true.

I may have different strengths than you but you have your own.

You were chosen for this life.

You have the ability to shift your perspective which will ultimately change your reality.

And you’re allowed to go at your pace.

Feel your shit in your own time,  

Honor who you are and what has happened in your life.

And let’s move forward, together.

Click here to schedule your free consultation and to learn more about how my coaching program can offer you all the support you need.

XO

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