Let’s talk about self-doubt.
Let’s talk about what it feels like to never feel good enough.
To relentlessly doubt your worth or value.
You know what I’m talking about, … that persistent deep rooted limiting belief created within the relationship with our mothers.
Constantly being told that your opinion is irrelevant.
Your thoughts? Not important.
Your feelings? Inconvenient and now you’re punished.
Your questions? How dare you.
Your version of the story? Always second guessed.
We were never good enough.
Never working hard enough.
Never quiet enough.
Never cleaned the house well enough.
Could never please them long enough to keep their attention.
We were never told that the universe is limitless and our potential is through the roof.
Never told what our strengths were or lovingly supported while managing what needed improvement.
Never guided through our dramas and emotions to build that connection with ourselves.
We were kept small and dependent.
Anything bigger than what our mothers could handle was too much.
Any idea resembling your future independence was met with negative and deconstructive feedback.
Leaving us feeling foolish, confused and wondering why we would even try to be bigger than our circumstances.
(Is how I really feel about it.)
The lingering cold that no matter what you try to do to get rid of it, it just ends up showing right back up.
& there are plenty of places where we all experience self-doubt in some shape or form;
When wanting to hold someone accountable
When believing that how you feel matters
When asking a question
When believing your version of the story
Loss of a job
Baby on the way
Comparing and measuring yourself with others — ETC.
I’ve gone 12+ rounds with self-doubt, — my entire life.
And I let her win most of the time.
Knock out after knock out.
She was always on time, consistent and debilitating.
And when shit didn’t work out, I wrote it off as bad timing.
When really, I was self-sabotaging.
I’d say I want something and get the opportunity and then allow doubt to rule my thoughts and energy.
I energetically blocked myself from embodying the person I wanted to be.
I could envision it but refused to actually feel it.
The fear was all consuming.
I always felt behind, worthless and underqualified.
I took myself out of the race before it even started.
The idea of rejection and someone else telling me what was wrong with me, felt too threatening.
I wished things would just happen for me without having to move through the discomfort of actually going after it.
And it happened over and over;
Whenever I was ready to say how I felt,
Whenever I was ready to ask for what I wanted,
Every job interview,
Every shitty circumstance that I wanted to move through.
Here she comes,
Stressing me out.
I constantly felt like an imposter.
Like a fraud.
Always ready to give up
Dreaming of what a bigger life could look like but never believing it was me who could get me there.
Fearing that I would never break the mold I was brought up in.
I just don’t have it in me, I thought, followed by —
Who would ever really choose me?
I decided that I had to choose me first.
I had to start valuing the journey, my journey.
I had to start becoming more aware of what was happening for me so I could understand how to face it.
I realized that I knew I had important work that I’m here to do,
And I couldn’t let fear hold me back anymore.
I chose to see it as a disservice.
I think we all deep down know that we have something bigger in store for us,
we must start with letting go of self doubt.
The self doubt that lingers in comparison and shame.
The self doubt that keeps us isolated and internalizing how we really feel.
We have to start believing that god/the universe want the best for us.
They just can’t want it more than us.
We have to walk through the door.
We have to start believing we are chosen to experience what we are experiencing because we actually have the strength to overcome it.
Nothing was or is an accident.
We have to start seeing the self doubt as a sign that we are leveling up.
That the doubt is just showing up to ‘protect us’ and slow us down.
and all you have to do is say no thanks.
Tell those beliefs that they may have served you before but that you don’t need them anymore.
You can choose to acknowledge your fear but still be determined you will figure it out.
This takes fear away from the steering wheel and into the backseat.
Because now, you’re truly ready for what you’re asking for.
Even when you’re still figuring out how to feel worth it.
And in effort to keep it real, — the truth is that the limiting beliefs are always going to show up.
It’s just about how you manage them.
Every next level you choose to elevate to… they will be there.
Even as I’m writing this,
Those beliefs of …
No one cares.
Who’s going to read this?
Will I ever have an impact?
Come seeping through.
And I could feel uncomfortable. And I could feel like quitting.
But this time, I expected them too – and I now know that it’s bullshit.
Anything that tries to keep me small, is bullshit.
That anytime I compare my impact, my following, my income, my looks to anyone else – that I’m just operating in that scarcity mindset.
I choose to believe there’s enough for everyone.
There’s enough success, money, beauty and support for everyone.
And that the more I can see others and choose to admire them and see what I can learn from them, the less I stay in the…
‘I’ll never be good enough,’
‘They must have what I don’t,’
‘I’ll never be as successful as them,’
‘I’ll never feel as peaceful as them,’
And that’s a really good feeling.
PS -Need help untangling your own paralyzing self-doubt?
Head over to breakupwithyourmother.com/contact and schedule your free 30 min clarity sesh with me and we’ll figure it out together.