I know that most of us, if not all of us in this community – are highly empathetic humans.
It is almost mathematical as for every narcissist there’s a co-dependent empath feeling immense sadness, rage or confusion but feeling too guilty to do anything about it. Lucky them, right?
Without women/men like us, the equation falls apart.
So now, as we are choosing to wake up to the dysfunction and are unlearning toxic habits and moving through our healing – it’s imperative that along with that education and conversation, we are creating practices that help keep our energy and extraordinary giving habits, balanced and protected.
And while I’ve learned to love how empathetic I am and I believe it is a huge component in what makes me such a good friend/coach – there are still practices I have in place that are designed to make sure I’m living a life of balance.
Because, also as you may relate, I can give give and give and before I know it, I’m completely empty and worn out and that isn’t a fun place to be.
Scroll below to read over my tips for how to protect your energy;
- Leave when a situation doesn’t feel good to you.
This isn’t advice to ‘leave when you don’t get your way’ or ‘walk the second you don’t feel understood,’ but more so encouragement for you to trust your intuition. When you feel off about something, your body will usually tell you before your mind can accept it. Trust it. Honor it. Put yourself first.
- Say ‘no’ when you want to and follow through on that.
- Be mindful of who you follow socially and how their certain behaviors or messages make you feel.
It may sound minor but a simple unfollow of people who either stress you out or cause a negative reaction within you, could do wonders.
Just because you can put up with something, doesn’t mean you should. Pay attention and exercise you’re right to choose.
- Surrender and walk away from those who are disruptive and who constantly put you on the defensive.
Constantly arguing and pleading your case completely depletes your energy and power.
Start taking notes on how certain relationships make you feel and give yourself permission to speak on how you would like the relationship to shift and also the permission to walk if you’re not met hallway.
- Create a morning routine that works for you.
For example, I have found that the first hour of every morning – I very much love to be alone. It’s an important time for me to ground myself, be present and ultimately that intentional time helps me to carry that peaceful foundation into the rest of my day.
Before I figured that out, I was always relentlessly loyal to my obsession to get every last minute of sleep. I would wake up last minute and rush around to get everything done and to get out the door. As a result, I usually felt overwhelmed, frustrated and often times would leave without grabbing everything I needed to. Not a headspace I want to be in.
- Stay true and firm with your boundaries.
- Spend a good amount of time understanding and learning about yourself so that when you’re in a social situation or you’re on/at the train/bus/music festival/mall – etc. You will be able to recognize when you’re picking up what isn’t yours.
Those moments are crucial. I often times find myself observing someone else and quickly absorbing the energy field they are in and I usually have to breathe my way out of it and ask myself, …’is this mine to carry?’
- Avoid chronic complainers.
- Only reach out to people and engage when it feels good.
I used to find myself scrolling through my message log on my phone to check in with everyone who I’ve lost touch with over a period of time.
I would create one message along the lines of, ‘thinking of you, let me know your schedule!’ and then copy/paste and start reaching out.. However, I realized in doing that, I wasn’t checking in with myself as to if I was doing it for them or for me.
Did I actually really want to see them?
Were these friendships I felt good about?
Were they balanced?
Did I feel free and expansive in them or was I just keeping up because I felt obligated?
There were some weeks where I had 5 dinners lined up and no time to myself. I used to see this as success. I now know I’m a much better friend to someone else and to myself when I have a proper balance. Not including when I’m more thorough and intentional with my time and who I spend it with.
- Avoid going places that you know will be filled with drama or gossip.
You no longer need to learn the same lesson over and over.
- Create a mindfulness practice(s) (meditation, baths, reading, drinking tea, going outside for a walk– etc) that allows you the space to just be present and spend time with yourself. This isn’t a one size fits all situation. Trial and error and commit to practices and activities that feel and work for you.
Practices that you can rely on during your times of high stress or anxiety.
Own that time. Be protective of that time as it’s most often when we can stay committed to those practices, that we then can prevent ourselves from reaching out to others who aren’t healthy enough to hold space for us.
- Accept that sometimes situations just do not work out and the best answer is to put all of that energy you were putting out, — back into you.
The more and more you try to mold and bend a situation to fit your needs, the less energy and space you’ll have to manifest and be available to something that will feel much better to you.
- Beware of destination addiction – this can completely take you out of gratitude. This is the idea that happiness is the next place, next job, next life partner. Until you give up the idea that happiness is somewhere else, it will never be where you are.
- Try an energy clearing or cord cutting mediation. These are two meditations by my friend and mentor, Reese Evans @ Yes Supply.
In these meditations, she talks about clearing out the stories and the energy that no longer serves us so that we can find our truth and manifest our deepest desires as well as mentioning that you never know how much of other’s energy you’ve internalized until you cut the cords off.
Clearing Meditation: https://youtu.be/akMDMznQZHg
Cord cutting Meditation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PEID8ofuZQc
- Go a full day without saying anything negative and takes notes on how it makes you feel.
- Cleanse your home with sage and palo santo.
I have a routine where I sage on Sunday’s and use palo santo every other day.
I buy my packs from Whole Foods and they are super easy to use; I just turn on the stove, hold either over the flame and then walk through my place.
When I sage I repeat; All negative and critical energy must leave.
When I palo santo I repeat; Only positive and loving energy is allowed here, everything else has to go.
What do you do to protect your energy?