the inner work

the mindset work

We are our own worst enemy.

The way I used to think and what I used to believe set up me for a life full of constant irritation, disappointment and negativity.

As a child, I looked to my mother (my father came later on) and copied all of her communication and social skills (really, lack thereof) and most importantly her coping mechanisms.

I, the same as her, led with masculinity and anger.
I felt it was more important to be feared than to be loved.
I never felt worthy of anything beautiful or positive and instead of being able to recognize it, I pursued the same path my mother did and chose to criticize anything appearing shiny or upbeat before I could ever face the rejection of it.

I was so sure that rejection came with every request and was paralyzed by the thought of it. Keeping myself stuck and full of anxiety.
I was taught that money is challenging and that I will get what I get and should just be thankful anyway.
I was taught the world was a bad place and that every man had ulterior motives and that women will betray you just the same.

That dreams are for the rich and lucky and that I was going to fail and that I’d learn the hard way.

What a recipe for extreme isolation and dependency on the one person who wanted to keep me stuck in those thought patterns.

Thank god I had the strength to figure it out. 
Now, I can confidently say .. at 28 years old — that I have gotten to the other side.
I now lead with clarity and always love.
I have experienced connection and peace in ways that I never thought existed or were possible for me.
I much more value positive energy than negative dialogue about shit that someone will never actually work on.
I now can see the world with so much less fear.
Every no I receive, I have learned is okay. It’s just the universe letting me know that there is another opportunity that is waiting for me.
It has nothing to do with my worth or abilities.
Which makes every yes I receive that much more exciting.
I have shifted my money patterns from gross, sticky, challenging and that someone is trying to take something from me to  .. money is just energy.
Money is an exchange of goods.
Money does not have to be everything and that I am a magnet for abundance.

I don’t have to live my life in debt just because someone says ‘that’s just the way it is.’  

I get to create my own reality.
I get to live the life that I want to without someone convincing me I am dreaming too big or asking for too much.

But none of this would be possible without the MINDSET WORK.
Yes, I’ve read the books and the articles.
I’ve gone to therapy.
Invested in a self-love coach.
Watched the videos.
Took the notes.
And that was what I was good at. 
I am so good at being productive.
I am a very disciplined person by nature (and probably due to the fact that I had to balance the chaos in my house growing up) so once I decide something, I’m usually extremely committed to it.
But once I decided I was going to take myself to the School of Life and learn it all, …I knew that the external work wasn’t going to be enough.

Even if I somehow got out of the place with my mom, (still didn’t think I could do anything on my own)
I knew I had to shift how I saw things. I was getting too frustrated with the constant ups and downs in my mood.
I had to be available to where I truly was and to understand what it was going to take to get where I wanted to go.

Moving 2,000 away from home at 19 taught me that a change of scenery doesn’t change much on the inside.

The pain follows. The patterns follow. And no matter how far away I could get or how many things I was able to buy .. none of it would feel good unless I DID. 

So, the mindset work began. I had to figure out how to feel worthy. How to believe in myself and that I could do anything I wanted to.

I had to figure out where I was subconsciously holding myself back.
Where I was convinced I wasn’t worthy.
I had to find out what needed my attention in order to cut the patterns off and start healing from the inside out.

So I started taking mental notes about how I responded to things;
When I was asked what I wanted for my future, what did I say?
Did I apologize for it?
Did I shine less because I felt embarrassed? How did I feel?

When I was asked how I was.

Did I have an auto response? Did I feel the need to hide and shift the attention back to the other person? Did I not feel worthy of taking up that space?

How did I treat my friends?

Was I genuinely supportive of their wins and their losses? How did them being happy affect how I felt? Did I have the proper space to listen and be of service without feeling jealous?

How I operated in society.

Could I see the the trees? The flowers? Did I hold the door open? Could I be present enough to smile back at someone? Could I drive from one place to another and remember how I got there? What was I choosing to wear and why? What energy was I giving out into the world? What was I attracting because of that?

It was after the accumulation of that intel and much more, that I was able to carefully witness those thoughts and situations moving forward.
I began to pause and recognize the patterns and temptations in those moments, ..and then confidently choose differently.

I was literally training my mind to go the opposite direction. Mindset boot camp AF. 

It initially was very uncomfortable and somewhat exhausting but I was finally getting in front of those negative and limiting beliefs.

It took a TON of awareness, mindfulness and thoroughness (still does) because the work needed to shift the patterns of narcissistic abuse isn’t an easy feat. But I am telling it is for sure possible.

In fact, in my opinion, the mindset work is definitely the hardest which is why I created a little study guide (see below) full of a few examples of the difference between limiting and empowering beliefs …  to start you off.

Some may resonate and some may not and if that’s the case, ..please feel free to let me know in the comments or come join my FB group and we’ll figure out how to shift your limiting belief towards a more empowering thought, together. xo


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