The calm after the storm.
The calm after you finally cut physical ties and connections with the one person who makes it impossible to heal forward.
You initially won’t believe it and will try to call it something else but it’s real.
I know it and if you haven’t experienced it yet, today’s post may inspire you.
Because, now, and I’ll happily make an assumption here if you’re reading this, —
you’ve actively chosen to begin to shift your toxic childhood patterns.
you are now saying yes to a life of commitment, healthy boundaries, sustainable love, fulfillment and personal development.
Which is fantastic, brave and also very admirable.
But what happens when you’re still involved in the drama even though you are mentally and emotionally trying to move into a different energy?
When you’re ready to change the way you think and how you see things but you’re still caught up in the drama and chaos somehow.
PIN THIS ⇓
You either still live with your mom, dad, husband, wife, BF/GF OR
You pick up every single phone call and comply with every demand even though you’d rather take space OR
You open your door and wallet every time they need something OR
You listen to their criticism and unwanted insight even though you know it’s highly inaccurate and relatively painful to hear.
Whatever it may be, I can honestly tell you from experience, that it’s possible to do a ton of work while still being involved.
I started this business while still living in the same space as my mom.
We never spoke but I saw and witnessed her every day. Talk about brutal.
I battled her protest behavior, projections and constant laziness.
I could barely touch my creativity and my motivation was consistently drained but I still did it.
I still showed up.
I told the truth. To a bunch of strangers at the time, but still, I began to tell the truth.
I still educated myself, read every article and book and prayed my way through the fatigue, anger and confusion.
But what I can also tell you is that you can only get so far.
I consistently worked my ass off to be who I am and being in that toxic environment still held me back.
The most enlightened people will tell you to be in the energy of which you desire, in order to create the life you wish to live.
That you have to take responsibility for your life. That you may not be responsible for your pain but you’re entirely responsible for your healing. I agreed. So I tried it. And it worked.
Until 4pm came around and I began to feel itchy, anxious and irritable.
4:05 pm, — she’d walk in the door and everything would change.
I couldn’t stay open, loving and excited. It was too reckless. The strategy (which if you do your narcissistic research is called ‘grey rock’) — was to remain boring and non -reactive.
The boring part was easy. The non-reactive part was my biggest challenge.
But now, separate. Truly 100% separate. . — The day it happened, I sat on our once joint kitchen floor and started crying. It was over. The fighting was over. The freedom I stand behind and talk about it every day, is here. I had no idea what emotion would come next but what I knew for sure is that it felt like the beginning of the rest of my life.
No more joint bills to have to pay because she somehow couldn’t get to it until 2 hours before it was due. Only to find out they were either way past due or a lot cheaper than what she asked for.
No more drama, missing items or dirty bathroom sinks that I didn’t contribute to.
No more anxious waiting because I never knew what the day would bring.
No more learning lessons for other people that only distract me from my own greatness and healing.
No more being lied to. Being ignored. Being told my reality is wrong or that I am a liar. Being dismissed. I’m getting goosebumps as I am writing this.
No more hiding In&Out soda cups to avoid an argument a week later about money.
No more screaming matches that leave me feeling defeated and out of control.
Really, truly separate. And while it may take awhile to heal 28 years of abuse,
I can confidently tell you that these are the first 9 WONDERFUL aspects you can look forward to;
A stillness that you’ll want to question but that you’ll soon come to realize is just peace.
More space inside and more love to give. No more withholding or resistance.
An energy that finally feels renewable and healthy.
You will be decisively open and understanding but also lovingly firm.
You’ll look different, you’ll feel different. Less stress looks great on everyone. Now it’s UNAPOLOGETICALLY your turn.
You’re going to easily make better choices and that previous self-doubt won’t feel as strong as it used to. Like, spending money on whatever you want without anticipating the constant judgement or dialogue designed to make you believe you will always fail.
You will be massively grateful. Even for the challenges.
That deep fear you’re so used to, starts to become a distant enemy. After all, look at all you’ve moved through already.
You’re going to know more about what self- love is and what it means to you.
just because we have to keep it real on the reality of emotional abuse recovery, — here are the first 5 things you’ll have to manage and let go of;
The guilt for wanting more, the guilt for wanting a different life. The guilt for developing boundaries and for them not learning with you, but choosing to be against you.
The anxiety of him/her always waiting to exploit your every move.
The ache of feeling responsible for their happiness and well-being (hey codependency!)
The constant fear of when the next shoe will drop.
The unworthiness of all you’ve worked for.
Because, girlfriend, you did it;
You felt. You faced it. You conquered.
Time to enjoy the peace.